September 2, 2012

Found in my inbox one morning

Hello my friend, thank you for taking the time to read this important message. The situation is grave indeed and I’m not sure how to best express it so that you can understand it. I’ll try by starting sometime after the beginning…

Long, long ago, when I was a mere child, I was told that 209 years from now a giant colony ship would leave Earth for Mars carrying terraforming technology and a crew of colonists that were to be the last hope of survival for your -our, I suppose,- flawed race…

Something happened. Perhaps navigation calculations had been made in metric for hardware calibrated to antiquated imperial measurements… I wasn’t told the specifics, only that it was human error. Regardless, the ship lost its mind and took a wrong turn at about five past moon o’clock.
Wrong turn at about 5 past moon o'clock

This catastrophe caused the ship’s soundness to fail piecemeal, killing thousands on-board. Only a handful of colonists survived the initial failures, and discord swiftly wended her way into their hearts. They argued violently as to what the next course of action should be. The majority entered escape vehicles and deserted the ship. I cannot say where their path took them, no doubt to oblivion, as it eventually does for us all- even me…

However, one of the ship’s physicians (my father) and an engineer (my mother) decided to see the ship through. By some cosmic accident, the ship’s wrong turn had sent it hurtling into the past… I do not know by what means my parents navigated the ship back to earth, or when they discovered that they had been flung into the past… I do know that then, they too deserted the ship in an escape vessel as it flew by Earth on a course headed for the sun.

I was born 6 months later in the year of their lord 1081… My parents gave me the best education they could in order to prepare me for the challenges I was to face throughout my life, and they also armed me with a book wherein they had scribed as much foreknowledge as they could recollect. Their idea was that my descendants and I would prevent humanity from committing the terrible mistakes and grave errors in this, its second chance - at least from my parents’ perspective. 
 However, my father soon discovered that our journey through time had rendered us all incapable of procreating… Apparently I had been conceived before our arrival. Their conclusion was to initiate carefully selected individuals into our secret and to form a cabal that would shape history, but that went quickly awry and their disciples killed them in their sleep when I was 13.  It was the year 1094… I fled, taking with me our book of secrets. The disciples went on to form the basis of many of the secret organizations that covertly control the Earth’s governments.

My parent’s geas was upon me and I decided to fulfill their dream as best as I could. I spent the next year inveigling myself into the court of the Byzantine Emperor Alexius I. And in short, I played a key role in the first crusades… sometimes with Seljuk Turks, sometimes with the Christians… as need dictated.

Sometime late in the year 1111, I was at the siege of Tyre under the banner of Zahir ad-Din Toghtekin. It was there that I was contacted by a very old man going by the name of Alhazred. He claimed to be over 400 years old, and certainly looked it. He gave me an original copy of a book called Al Azif with a Greek translation by Theodorus Philetas… Why the man gave it to me, I do not know, he would only say that he had been ordered to do so. He left without a trace after completing his task. Within that book lay secrets that could shatter mortal minds, but somehow I retained a marginal grasp on my sanity and found the secret to eternal life…
Al Azif
What I suffered to achieve this I will not say lest someone else should attempt it and unleash the dark beings with whom one must contract… Let us just say that death became a past concern for me, and though I can no longer die, pain has since become my constant companion.

I have led my cursed existence through history striving to thwart the power hungry machinations of the disciples, thwarting the vile prophecies from Alhazred’s book, and trying to cure the ills listed in my parents’ book… I have failed many a time and things were made worse than before, but I have also known a handful of modest successes; however, we still seem to be headed towards a future where my parents’ ship departs… This brings me to you, my friend.

Your donation triggered a chain of events that help move things in the right direction. What donation, you ask? Oh that’s right, that hasn’t happened yet. Please donate 20$ to the following paypal account (redacted), for the good of mankind.

Thank you for helping me to save planet Earth.
Yours gratefully,