April 7, 2010
Gorge du tarn
The sun has warmed the grass all day, making the ground softly prickling my back smell faintly of hay. An idle glance over the bank shows me that the shallow waters of the river’s waters are clear, softly distorting the image of rust colored alluvial sand scattered with autumn pebbles. Occasionally, a fish, like a silver leaf riding a breeze out to the ocean, would pass me by.
Picture: Gorge du Tarn, sometime in 2006 or 2005
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"making the ground softly prickling my back smell faintly of hay"
ReplyDeleteThat was a bit clunky and unwieldy.
Hmm... Is it? I don't think so... Maybe you're right: "The sun has warmed the grass all day, making the ground that softly prickles my back smell faintly of hay." would have been better.
ReplyDelete"...would pass me by."....is in a different tense than the rest of it, but it's a lovely image.
ReplyDeleteThis is a lovely image and photograph to go with.
ReplyDelete@Kass You're right...
ReplyDeleteI was a bit sloppy on the proof reading here. Rereading it now I see some other things that need to be tweaked.
@Eryl Ha! It was a lovely trip, the image and the picture.
Thank you both for the kind words in spite of the glaring flaws.
Here's a corrected version, it should flow better... But now I need to be careful or it'll slip through my fingers.
"The sun has warmed the grass all day, making the ground that softly prickles my back smell faintly of hay. An idle glance over the bank shows me the clarity of the river's shallows. It softly distorts the image of rust colored alluvial sand scattered with autumn pebbles. Occasionally, a fish, like a silver leaf riding a breeze out to the ocean, passes me by."
Yeah that's better. Cool to see the writing process as it happens.
ReplyDelete"...softly distorting the image of rust colored alluvial sand scattered with autumn pebbles." I like this part, even if I don't know what autumn pebbles are. Is it the colors?
ReplyDeleteHello Theresa! That's right, the pebbles were various shades or rust, crimson, orange, and yellow... It was lovely!
ReplyDelete